14 February 2025
by Ken Sehested
Processional. Thousands of students and faculty from the Catholic-run St. Scholastica’s College dance en masse to protest violence against women and children on 25 February 2024, in Manila, Philippines. The annual dance, dubbed One Billion Rising, is held every Valentine’s Day.
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Valentine’s Day is mostly subsidized by sentimental card makers, florists, and chocolatiers. That’s not to say practicing the habits of expressing regard, even affection, should not be fostered. This stereotypical “feminine” practice is one that all healthy human beings should cultivate. And not just for romantic partners but for children, for friends, for any with whom we collaborate.
No one likes cloying, suffocating repetition of devotion. But the art of timely and tender words of appreciation and encouragement should be one of our spiritual disciplines: which is to say, we need to consciously work at it, even against discomfort.
But keep this in mind: Like other major cultural observances (Thanksgiving and Christmas in particular) which highlight time feasting with beloveds, Valentine’s Day is for some a reminder of loss. When your Facebook page only has exhibits of cheery emotion, those who have suffered loss, because of mortality or fractured relations, Valentine’s Day is hard to swallow.
Which is why I commend for your remembrance this day’s seventh anniversary of the school shooting at Stoneman Douglas High School in Florida. (See “Parkland school shooting 7 years later: Remembering the 17 victims”)
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Hymn of praise. “Oh night that joined the lover / To the beloved one / Transforming each of them into the other.” —Loreena McKennitt, “The Dark Night Of the Soul”
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History of Valentine’s Day
As with many modern holiday traditions, Valentine’s Day draws from a jumble of historical memories. In the 15th century, English and French traditions recognized mid-February as the time when birds chose their mates. Surviving literature indicate that it became an occasion for sending romantic cards and letters. In ancient Rome, 14 February was the occasion to honor Juno, Goddess of women and marriage.
The Roman Catholic Church’s official list of saints actually have three entries for “St. Valentine,” all three of them martyred, at least two of which were executed for civil disobedience: One for simply practicing his faith when it was outlawed. A second for performing secret weddings when the Emperor, wanting his army stocked with single men, forbade such weddings.
While the existence of a St. Valentine is not in doubt—archeologists have unearthed a chapel built in his honor—reliable accounts of his (their?) life is scarce. Which is why, in 1969, the Vatican removed St. Valentine from its official list of feasts. However, St. Valentine’s Day is an official feast day in for Anglicans and Lutherans. The Eastern Orthodox Church celebrates the day in July.
Numerous cultures and countries around the world observe some form of annual recognition of a romantically-themed day.
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Hymn of reparation. “This is where it hurts / It hurts here / It hurts here and here and here / And if you want to be a lover / You’ve got to see your way clear / To love here and here and here.” —Gary Rand, lyrics by Lenora Rand, “It Hurts Here” (click the “more” button to see all the lyrics)
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St. Valentine
Remembering prisoners on his feast day
In ancient Rome lived a man named Valentine. He was a priest and a physician but was not free to express his Christian faith without the threat of persecution. He tended to his patients by day and prayed for them by night. Eventually however, he was arrested for his faith and executed on Feb 14, 270 during one of the persecutions ordered by Emperor Claudius II Gothicus. In 496, Pope Gelasius I made February 14 as St. Valentines Day.
It is said that a jailer in a Roman prison had a daughter who was one of St. Valentine’s patients before he was arrested. He tended her for her blindness, but when he was arrested she still had not regained her sight. Before his execution, Valentine asked the jailer for some parchment and ink. He wrote the girl a note and signed it “From your Valentine.” When she opened the note, a yellow crocus flower fell out of the parchment and it was the first thing she had ever seen. She had received her sight. The crocus is the traditional flower of St. Valentine.
Given this background story, a number of churches now prepare for Valentine’s Day by having children and youth send Valentine’s Day cards and notes to prisoners.
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Word. I do not begrudge sentiment; nor pleasure, for as has been said, One day we shall each give account for the permittable pleasures we failed to enjoy.” (paraphrase of Rabbi Chizkiyah, Jerusalem Talmud, Kiddushin 4:12)
What I oppose is sentiment and pleasure substituting for the hard work of loving attention: In particular, practicing incursions of compassionate proximity with, and exposure to, those whom the world considers expendable.
Odd as it may sound, for the spiritually grounded there is in fact a kind of pleasure in reflecting our own belovedness upon the neighbor, especially those who have little capacity to respond in kind. —kls
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The ministry of encouragement
Encouragement is the lime and silica that cement fickle sand into concrete resolve. The ministry of encouragement is not the “soft,” interpersonal side of our more hard-charging, public mission of confronting disruptive power.
We rejoice in the Blessed One, who draws us up and circles us round and builds a bulwark against gales of destruction.
Offering pastoral encouragement within the Body is not “feminine” work where mission in the larger world is “masculine.”
As the Scripture enjoins, weep with those who weep; rejoice with those who rejoice; and thereby reweave
the unraveling fabric of the Beloved Community.
Nor are habits of complimenting each other to be shaped by the logic of commercial transactions: I offer winsome words to you, anticipating you will return the favor, and more, later on.
O God who ventures into the pit of every human catastrophe, your ears catch the pitch of our cries
which no mortal can hear.
The work of encouragement is done to boost the soul’s immune system. Encouragement does more than make someone “feel better.” It’s how we prepare for struggle.
Incite one another to love and good works, says the Apostle.
Encouragement is the capacity to confront fatigue, failure, even desperation, with the confidence that God is not yet done. And neither are we.
Provoke one another to fidelity amid the world’s faithless affairs. By so doing, the Evil One’s power to rend us asunder comes undone.
The giving and receiving of timely encouragement in seasons of severity opens a portal to Heaven’s purpose and promise and power.
¿Es una buena lucha? Is the struggle a good one?
¡Es una buena lucha! It is good indeed!
—Ken Sehested, inspired by Psalm 30; Hebrews 10:24; and Romans 12:5
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Recessional. “My place is of the sun and this place is of the dark / And I do not feel the romance I do not catch the spark / My place is of the sun and this place is of the dark / By grace, my sight grows stronger / And I do not feel the romance I will not be / And I will not be a pawn for the prince of darkness any longer.” —Indigo Girls, “Prince of Darkness”
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